“Timmy, why do you have stickers?” Isaac asks.
“I got them at the doctor,” Tim says.
“Mommy,” says Isaac, “why didn’t I get stickers?”
“Isaac,” Heather says, “you know these are stickers from the doctor, and since you didn’t go to the doctor, you didn’t get stickers.”
“Awwww, no fair,” says Isaac.
“It’s fair,” says Tim, “I got a shot.”
“So, you wanted to go to the doctor?” Heather asks Isaac.
“No, but—,” says Isaac.
“The next time you go to the doctor, Isaac,” Heather says, “you can get stickers.”
“Ok, Mommy,” Isaac says.
“Then you can get a shot, too,” says Tim.
Sitting in my office with the door open, I listen to this entire exchange. I close my eyes and shake my head.
I’ve been a parent for more than six years now, and it seems like every week, I am reminded that there is no such thing as being an experienced parent. There are days, and sometimes even weeks when nothing new happens in our household, and I start thinking that maybe we’ve seen it all, done it all, and can relax.
I have a brother, and I’m raising two boys, so I suppose that sibling jealousy is something that I should have been expecting. I mean, sure, Christmas day and birthdays always have led to some squabbles, but I was prepared for those. I wasn’t, however, prepared for jealousy that stemmed from either boy’s special needs.
But every time one of them goes to see a specialist (more often in Tim’s case because of the number of specialists we get routine check-ups from), inevitably, the other boy gets jealous because the one going to the doctor gets to go on a special one-one-trip with a parent, and get stickers, and sometimes a Happy Meal from McDonald’s.
Heather and I have also seen this play out regarding going to therapy, where the one boy is jealous that the other gets therapy that day. I really don’t understand how going to therapy is seen as some kind of prize, particularly when the boy going to therapy is begging to not to have to go.
Sometimes I don’t understand my kids. How can so much vigor go into wanting something that the other boy has, but desperately doesn’t want? Why isn’t the boy staying at home happy to not be inconvenienced? WHY!?!?!?
But you know what, that’s the beauty of having kids. I don’t understand a lot of the things they do. I’m not supposed to, at least not at first. They are going to teach me new things. They are going to do unpredictable things, and I’m going to grow as parent because of it. It’s ok for them to be jealous of petty, silly things. It’s ok that they complain that it’s “unfair” that the other boy has to go to therapy. Every day, they do something new, and I learn something new.
It may be hectic, but it sure is fun!
As the proud father of three children, as well as an MFA graduate and published author, John spends most of his time trying to balance the demands of being a writer and a parent all at once. Most of the time, it’s an uphill battle. As the parent of a child with special needs, John tries to use his talent for writing to bring inspiration and hope to his readers.
For more information about John Will you can visit his website at the Writing Dad, Here and Facebook page Here.
Cover Photo: Paweł Jońca